Wednesday, 4 April 2007

Starbucks Cranks Up The Evil


Heh heh

Coffee behemoth pushes music label, hopes to pummel nation to death, pleasantly

"Starbucks has good mints.

I like their little portable $2 tins of tiny, strong peppermints and I can often be seen dashing furtively into one of the crowded soul-numbing little outlets to pick up another box, and the cashiers/baristas look at me strangely as if to say, Wait, what? That's it? That's all you want to buy? You mean you don't want a double-caramel-cheesecake-eggnog candy-coated triple-whipped white chocolate grande mocha with extra corn syrup solids and glops of mysterious grainy residue at the bottom for $17?

It's a look that says: You don't want to perhaps buy a Starbucks-branded pink plastic travel mug? Starbucks bottled water? T-shirt? Apron? Muffler? Waffle maker? Cute Vietnamese toddler? You are not fully partaking of the overall megalomaniacal Starbucks lifestyle brand? What, pray tell, is wrong with you?"

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